Gen Z Woman prioritizing travel over helping pregnant cousin applauded

A young woman’s decision to prioritize her dream study abroad trip over financially supporting her pregnant cousin has sparked a discussion online.

On Monday, /u/miamonroexa posted on Reddit about a family dilemma. The 20-year-old said she had spent two years diligently saving for a study abroad program, but a cousin facing financial difficulties as she prepared to give birth wanted her to use the money to help with baby expenses, which she called a “family emergency.”

Newsweek contacted /u/miamonroexa for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of this case. Therapist Yaranil Ferrer spoke with Newsweek about how the poster should navigate her boundaries under increasing pressure from her cousin and other family members.

According to the poster, her cousin, 23, requested almost all the money she had saved, saying it was the poster’s duty to help and calling the study abroad trip a luxury.

“When I said no, she flipped out,” the poster wrote. “She accused me of being selfish, heartless, and not caring about her or her baby … Then [her] mom (my aunt) chimed in, saying I’m a terrible family member and that I’ll regret this when [I’m] older.”

As the conflict escalated, the poster began receiving messages from more relatives. “Am I being selfish for wanting to protect something I’ve worked years to achieve?” she asked Redditors, who responded with a resounding no.

“Someone else’s poor decisions and planning are not your responsibility,” one user wrote. “If she can’t afford a baby, she shouldn’t have one, and she also has her mother to help her. Enjoy your travel.”

“You should respond to those other family members, ‘Then you give her the money—you all can all chip in and probably have more than what I saved!'” another added.

An Expert Opinion

Ferrer, a licensed clinical social worker and the founder of Calma Counseling, emphasized the importance of staying true to one’s personal values in tricky family situations.

“Being very clear on your values—what matters to you and why—is extremely important,” she said. “You might value family priorities and adventure, making your choice difficult; however, clarity on values can help you make an intentional choice rather than a choice led by emotion, in this case guilt.”

Ferrer warned against the long-term consequences of giving in to external pressure. “Giving up your own wants and needs, especially if you are pressured into doing so, can lead not only to resentment but also reinforcement of the idea that you need to do this in order to preserve relationships,” she said.

While setting boundaries often involves the inevitability of guilt, the poster has some ways around it, she added.

“You don’t need to believe the guilty thoughts,” Ferrer said. “But know it will show up, and understand that you can still do what matters to you, even if the guilt comes along for the ride.”